Super Han Solo World

By following a ripple of power in the Force, Darth Vader has found himself on a mysterious world full of mysterious mysteries, perhaps the most mysterious of which is a mysteriously shiny golden box…

Darth Vader: I sense something…There is a great power here, we must find a way inside this chest.  Guard!

*Spink!*
Imperial Guard: I’m sorry, Lord Vader, my force pike seems to be ineffective.  This…this has never happened to me before, I swear.
Stormtrooper: Step aside, Big Red.  Let a real man show you how it’s done.

Stormtrooper: I’m gonna kick this thing into next – whoa Whoa WHOA! 

Stormtrooper: Oooooohhh…I think I landed on my spleen…
Imperial Guard: Nice kicking, stumpy.
Stormtrooper: Shut up, Red.  Go chew your gum.
Vader: Fools.  I don’t know why I bring you anywhere.  Now, let me show you the true power of the force.

Vader: Mmmmmmmmmm….
Stormtrooper: Psst – hey, Red, nothing’s happening.
Vader: Mmmmmmmmmm…..
Stormtrooper: It’s not even shaking.  Usually it shakes, at least.
Vader: MMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Stormtrooper: I bet if Yoda were here, he could crack into that thing.

Vader: Enough!  Do you know why it’s not working?  It’s because you were born!  I think it’s time I correct that unfortunate mistake.
Stormtrooper: No, it was a joke – ackgackcack!
Imperial Guard: My Lord, someone’s coming, I think we should take cover.
Vader: Fine, let’s hide over by those incongruous, pastel-colored pieces of sheet metal.  I’ll deal with you later, Stormtrooper.

Han Solo: Hey, Chewie, hurry up!  I found something shiny!  Boy, I bet there’s something fancy in here.  I wonder how you get inside…I better look around for cracks.  Chewie?  Now, where’d that fuzzball go?

Chewbacca: WaaaaaAUUUGGHHHaaaa!!!
Han: Chewie, there you ar-whoa!
Chain Chomp: Bark Bark!


Chewbacca: AuughaAAh-*trip*-oooAAggghh!-*BONK!*
Chain Chomp: Bark!
Han: Chewie, you did it!  You found the…giant…mushroom?  What the heck?  Well, treasure is treasure, let me just get under here, and…
*POOF!*

Han: Whoa!  Chewie, check me out – I’m huge!  Look how big my muscles are now.  Chewie?  Hey, quit laying around and come see how awesome I look!  I think I even got more handsome.

Chewbacca: Oooggghhh?
Han: I know, I’m even bigger than you.  Hey, watch this – *noogienoogienoogie*
Chewbacca: ARRRGGGAAHHHHOOHH!!!
Han: Ha ha, who’s scruffy looking now, fuzzface?!  You’re like a little ewok down there!

Meanwhile…
Darth Vader: Look at that!  Such power…if I were that huge, the rebellion would be no match at all.  Stormtrooper!
Stormtrooper: Yes, sir!
Vader: Go distract Solo while I come up with a plan to extract that powerful fungus from his body.

Stormtrooper: Alright, Solo – gosh, you’re even bigger up close…
Han: What do you want, Stormtrooper?
Stormtrooper: Oh, nothing really.  Just, maybe, can I have some of that super fungus power you just got your hands on?
Han: My super fungus power?  Yeah, sure, why not?
Stormtrooper: Oh, wow, really?
Han: Sure, come on over.
Stormtrooper: Great, that’s awfully generous of you.

*STOMP!*
Stormtrooper: Oh, right in the helmet!
Vader: Guard, my plan is almost complete.  I need you to give me a just a little more time.
Imperial Guard: Very well, my lord.

Imperial Guard: Solo, you will hand over the fungus or feel the sting of my force pike.
Han: *Sigh* I hope there aren’t many more of you, I’m getting kind of sick of this.

*KICK!*
Imperial Guard: Oh, what a powerful kick!
Chain Chomp: Bark bark…
Vader: What?  Where did you come from?

Chain Chomp: Bark.  Bark bark.
Vader: What do you mean, my plan won’t work?  What could someone so round and metallic possibly understand about the ways of the Force?
Chain Chomp: Bark!
Vader:  Midichlorians?  Bah, supsupersititious claptrap.  I’ll show you the true power of this “ancient religion.”

Vader: Solo, you have no idea of the power that has fallen into your lap.  It belongs rightfully to me, and I intend to take it.
Chain Chomp: Bark.
Vader: Quiet, you!  Now, Solo, feel the power of the Force!  Mmmmmmmmmm….

Han: Huh, is that what the force feels like?  Kind of tickles.
Chain Chomp: Bark bark.
Vader:  Arrgh!!  I said, quiet you stupid ball of lead – enough of these games!

Chain Chomp: Bark! Bark!
Han: Whoa, hey, hang on a second here.  Let’s not do anything we’re going to regret in the morning.

Chain Chomp: Bark!  Bark bark!
Han: Oh, no, my beautiful face!

Han: Oooh, what happened?  Why am I so small again?
Vader: This is indeed a mysterious world with it’s own mysterious rules.  But the most important rule of all is don’t make the Sith Lord angry.  I hope you enjoy your last few moments alive, Solo.
Chewbacca: ooooAAAGGh?
Han: Chewie, this is all your fault for running into that box!  I hope you’ve got a plan to get us out of here.

Chewbacca:  OOOAAGHHGAA!!
Han: Hey, nice work, Chewie!

Han: See you later, suckers!
Vader: Gah!!  Scoundrels!  Fools!  I hate everything and none of this is my fault!  Ohhh…I could just eat an entire cheesecake…