By following a ripple of power in the Force, Darth Vader has found himself on a mysterious world full of mysterious mysteries, perhaps the most mysterious of which is a mysteriously shiny golden box…
Darth Vader: I sense something…There is a great power here, we must find a way inside this chest. Guard!
Imperial Guard: I’m sorry, Lord Vader, my force pike seems to be ineffective. This…this has never happened to me before, I swear.
Stormtrooper: Step aside, Big Red. Let a real man show you how it’s done.
Stormtrooper: I’m gonna kick this thing into next – whoa Whoa WHOA!
Stormtrooper: Oooooohhh…I think I landed on my spleen…
Imperial Guard: Nice kicking, stumpy.
Stormtrooper: Shut up, Red. Go chew your gum.
Vader: Fools. I don’t know why I bring you anywhere. Now, let me show you the true power of the force.
Stormtrooper: Psst – hey, Red, nothing’s happening.
Stormtrooper: It’s not even shaking. Usually it shakes, at least.
Stormtrooper: I bet if Yoda were here, he could crack into that thing.
Vader: Enough! Do you know why it’s not working? It’s because you were born! I think it’s time I correct that unfortunate mistake.
Stormtrooper: No, it was a joke – ackgackcack!
Imperial Guard: My Lord, someone’s coming, I think we should take cover.
Vader: Fine, let’s hide over by those incongruous, pastel-colored pieces of sheet metal. I’ll deal with you later, Stormtrooper.
Han Solo: Hey, Chewie, hurry up! I found something shiny! Boy, I bet there’s something fancy in here. I wonder how you get inside…I better look around for cracks. Chewie? Now, where’d that fuzzball go?
Han: Chewie, there you ar-whoa!
Chain Chomp: Bark Bark!
Chain Chomp: Bark!
Han: Chewie, you did it! You found the…giant…mushroom? What the heck? Well, treasure is treasure, let me just get under here, and…
Han: Whoa! Chewie, check me out – I’m huge! Look how big my muscles are now. Chewie? Hey, quit laying around and come see how awesome I look! I think I even got more handsome.
Han: I know, I’m even bigger than you. Hey, watch this – *noogienoogienoogie*
Han: Ha ha, who’s scruffy looking now, fuzzface?! You’re like a little ewok down there!
Darth Vader: Look at that! Such power…if I were that huge, the rebellion would be no match at all. Stormtrooper!
Stormtrooper: Yes, sir!
Vader: Go distract Solo while I come up with a plan to extract that powerful fungus from his body.
Stormtrooper: Alright, Solo – gosh, you’re even bigger up close…
Han: What do you want, Stormtrooper?
Stormtrooper: Oh, nothing really. Just, maybe, can I have some of that super fungus power you just got your hands on?
Han: My super fungus power? Yeah, sure, why not?
Stormtrooper: Oh, wow, really?
Han: Sure, come on over.
Stormtrooper: Great, that’s awfully generous of you.
Stormtrooper: Oh, right in the helmet!
Vader: Guard, my plan is almost complete. I need you to give me a just a little more time.
Imperial Guard: Very well, my lord.
Imperial Guard: Solo, you will hand over the fungus or feel the sting of my force pike.
Han: *Sigh* I hope there aren’t many more of you, I’m getting kind of sick of this.
Imperial Guard: Oh, what a powerful kick!
Chain Chomp: Bark bark…
Vader: What? Where did you come from?
Chain Chomp: Bark. Bark bark.
Vader: What do you mean, my plan won’t work? What could someone so round and metallic possibly understand about the ways of the Force?
Chain Chomp: Bark!
Vader: Midichlorians? Bah, supsupersititious claptrap. I’ll show you the true power of this “ancient religion.”
Vader: Solo, you have no idea of the power that has fallen into your lap. It belongs rightfully to me, and I intend to take it.
Chain Chomp: Bark.
Vader: Quiet, you! Now, Solo, feel the power of the Force! Mmmmmmmmmm….
Han: Huh, is that what the force feels like? Kind of tickles.
Chain Chomp: Bark bark.
Vader: Arrgh!! I said, quiet you stupid ball of lead – enough of these games!
Chain Chomp: Bark! Bark!
Han: Whoa, hey, hang on a second here. Let’s not do anything we’re going to regret in the morning.
Chain Chomp: Bark! Bark bark!
Han: Oh, no, my beautiful face!
Han: Oooh, what happened? Why am I so small again?
Vader: This is indeed a mysterious world with it’s own mysterious rules. But the most important rule of all is don’t make the Sith Lord angry. I hope you enjoy your last few moments alive, Solo.
Han: Chewie, this is all your fault for running into that box! I hope you’ve got a plan to get us out of here.
Han: Hey, nice work, Chewie!
Han: See you later, suckers!
Vader: Gah!! Scoundrels! Fools! I hate everything and none of this is my fault! Ohhh…I could just eat an entire cheesecake…